Fibber and Myrt joke of the day: bones

Fibber: Hello Operator?  Give me Gilley's Jewelry Store on 14th just opposite - Myrt!  Is that you?  How's every little thng, Myrt?  Tis eh?  Hey, we're having pot roast for dinner, Myrt!  What you having?  Huh?  Oh.  Well watch out for the bones.

Molly: What are they having for dinner?

Fibber: Her little sister's algebra teacher.

Fibber and Myrt joke of the day: little niece

FIBBER: Hello operator?  Give me the Turkish Bath at 14th and Oak, upstair overrrrrr oh is that you Myrt? How's ever lil thing, Myrt?  Tis eh?  Your little niece?  Got all skinned up?  So sorry to hear that...

Molly: Oh, what happened to her little niece, McGee?

Fibber: Oh she got her little knees all skinned up shooting craps last night.

Fibber and Myrt joke of the day [#11]

Fibber: Hello, operator?  Give me Kramer's Drug Store on the corner of...hey is that you, Myrt?  How's every lil thing, Myrt?  Tis, eh?  Your uncle?  Smashed his face and broke one of his hands?

Molly: Oh, what's the matter, McGee?  Did he drop his watch?

Fibber:  Haw-shaw.  Hello, Myrt?  Nah, she guessed it right away.

Fibber and MYRT joke of the WEEK [#09]: The cops

FIBBER: Hello operator, give me Wistful Vista 7 2 0 ohhhh is that you, Myrt? How's every lil thing, Myrt? Tis, eh? What say, Myrt? Your brother? Shot it out with the cops, eh?

MOLLY: Oh heavenly days McGee, what happened?

FIBBER: Myrt's baby needed a bottle of milk in the middle of the night so she called her brother at the Creamery and he shot it out with the cops.

Fibber and MYRT joke of the WEEK [#08] : terms

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: broken nose?

FIBBER: Hello operator, give me the Bijiou Thea---ehhhhhhhhhh, is that you, Mert?  Well how's ever lil thing, Mert?  Tis, eh?  What say, Mert?  Your sister?  Broke her nose, eh?  Oh.  That's wonderful, Mert!

MOLLY: Oh heavenly days, McGee...what is wonderful about that?

FIBBER: Her sister made a lot of dough on the stock market... but just how much, only her broker knows!

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: Kid brother's feet

FIBBER: Hello operator?  Give me the Wistful Vista junk yard at 14th and ohhhhhhhhhh.  Is that you, Mert?  How's ever lil thing, Mert?  Tis, eh?  What say, Mert?  Your little brother?  They what?  THEY CUT OFF HIS FEET?

MOLLY: Oh McGee! How awful!

FIBBER: Oh, it was nothing. Her kid brother wanted to build a fire at the Boy Scout Show. It was quite a feat but they didn't have time for it.

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: The train wreck

FIBBER: Hello operator?  Give me the Whistful Vista ummm oh is that you, Mert?  How's ever lil thing, Mert?  Is eh?  You say your sister's wedding? Oh, that's terrible!  A train wreck, eh? 

MOLLY: Oh heavenly days, McGee, what happened?

FIBBER: Her sister got her wedding dress caught on a one of the pews and wrecked her train!

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: two new teeth

FIBBER: Hello operator, give me the residence of Throck...oh, is that you, Mert?  How's ever lil thing, Mert? Tis eh?  What you say, Mert?  Your baby sister?  Aww... got two new teeth this morning?

MOLLY: Aww, how sweet!  How old is the little tyke Deary?

FIBBER: 19.  Had some teeth kicked out Saturday Night in a jitterbug contest.

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: Mert's grandfather got shot

FIBBER: Hello operator, connect me with the ..oh is that you Mert?  How's every thing with you, Mert? It is, uh?  What?  He is?  They did?  He will?  Oh, that's too bad Mert!  How old is your grandfather?  Ooooh, well it's about time, isn't it?  Let me get this straight, Mert: they took a bullet out of his what?  Is that so? 

MOLLY: Did her grandfather get shot?

FIBBER: Yes.

MOLLY: Where?

FIBBER: Gettysburg.

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: The hospital

FIBBER:  Hello operator?  Give me the Wistful Vista... oh is that you Mert?  How's every lil thing, Mert? Tis, eh?  What you say, Mert? Your married sister?  Honest?  Three of 'em, eh?  That's terrific!  What hospital [did] you say?

MOLLY: Heavenly days McGee, you don't mean...

FIBBER: Quiet Molly.  Mert's sister was driving past the hospital this morning and had three blowouts in one block.

Fibber and Mert joke of the day: The Stork

FIBBER: Hello operator?  Give me the residence of... oh, is that you, Mert?  How's every lil thing, Mert?  Is eh?  What say Mert?  The stork came to your house this morning?

MOLLY: The stork! How wonderful! Boy or girl, Deary?

FIBBER: They don't know - but they have it tied up and if it lays an egg it's a girl.

- from [410401 Molly loses the left-rear fender]