I hated Gloria... so I killed Gloria this morning

"Gloria" is dead (and gone)

I've written before how much I hate Gloria.  She is a thorn in my side and a pain in my ears.

Today, I did something drastic.  I took a digital knife and I completely removed Gloria from my files.

Okay, so you are wondering what I am talking about.  Let me clue you in:  Gloria is the maid on The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet in the 1945 and 1946 seasons.  She sounds like this: AUDIO

Now, this is not to say that Gloria (played by Bea Benaderet) is not funny.  The lines themselves are standard one-liner fare and as such, the lines aren't bad.  Ozzie and Harriet aren't great playing "straight men" but then, who really is?  The fact is: her voice makes me crawl up a wall.

I like Benaderet in everything else (although just the thought of her playing the part of Gloria reverberates in my head when I hear her on the numerous other shows she does and I wince considerable.  I cringe; my body quivers... but it subsides eventually and I smile and laugh at Benaderet in other shows.) 

My, she was so versatile that she was in thousands of shows.  It seems like she was in almost every situation comedy in the 1940's!  She was everywhere.  I realize that bit actors and actresses didn't make a ton of money but I wouldn't be surprised if she put away $500 a week most weeks during that time, quite a hefty sum for that kind of work.

But this morning, I finally did something that will make my listening a lot more bearable: I killed Gloria.  What I had been doing is skipping 1945-46 Ozzie and Harriet.  Finally, I sat down with my sound software and I digitally removed Gloria from every Ozzie and Harriet recording she was in.

I know you purist out there are shaking your heads or having convulsions or whatever you purists do when you hear of such. And I guess I won't tell you that I am up to 1948 in Fibber McGee and Molly in removing all the songs and intros; I did keep Harlow Wilcox's commercials.  I guess I won't tell you I am in the process of removing all the songs in Burns and Allen, Jack Benny, Amos and Andy and others.

I realize that removing a character - a real character, not a singer, ad pitchman, dead air or something else - from a radio series rivals something Hitler might do and I am prepared to handle the backlash.  It's not like I am going to take these files and upload them for you or unsuspecting others to download; they are for my personal consumption.

But I hated Gloria.  I killed Gloria.  I'm not sorry I did it.  I'd do it again.